By Anthony Spratley, Family Law Attorney & Veteran Advocate for Fathers and Families
💔 It's Not Just About the Divorce
As a dad, you carry more influence than you realize. Your voice, your presence, and your choices shape how your child sees themselves—and how they'll relate to the people they love for the rest of their lives.
This isn't about being perfect. It's about showing up in a way that doesn't leave emotional wreckage behind. I've worked with hundreds of fathers across New Mexico, and while many are doing their best, some behaviors—often unintentional—can create emotional wounds in kids that last a lifetime.
Let's walk through three things I see dads do far too often that end up creating what many call 'daddy issues.' If any of this resonates, don't beat yourself up. Just know you can change the story starting today.
1. Using Your Kids as Emotional Shields or Messengers
Your child is not your therapist, your messenger, or your confidant. When you use your son or daughter to pass messages to their mother, or you unload your frustrations about the divorce onto them, you're not venting—you're transferring adult burdens to a child who's not equipped to carry them.
This can lead to long-term emotional confusion, guilt, and divided loyalty. It teaches your child that love is something they have to earn by keeping you happy or siding with you.
Instead, consider speaking with a friend, a therapist, or your legal team. Let your child be a child. Your ability to stay emotionally steady for them is a gift they'll carry forever.
2. Failing to Show Up Consistently
You don't have to be perfect. But you do have to be present.
Missed pickups, being late to school events, skipping birthdays—those moments matter more than most dads realize. To your child, every no-show whispers, 'You're not important.'
I've seen fathers lose precious parenting time not because they were bad dads, but because they were inconsistent. Judges pay attention to patterns. So do kids.
Even if your time is limited, arrive on time, stay engaged, and follow through on your promises. That consistency builds trust—and trust is the foundation of any healthy relationship.
3. Making the Custody Case About Winning, Not Parenting
I get it. Divorce is painful, and custody battles can feel like a fight for your very identity as a dad. But when your focus shifts from being a good parent to simply beating your ex, your child becomes collateral damage.
Kids pick up on the tension. When they see one parent constantly attacking the other or dragging them through court, they start to believe that love is about power, not connection.
Even when you're fighting for your rights, keep your child's emotional well-being at the center. Cooperate where you can, take the high road when possible, and remember: your child isn't keeping score. They just want peace, stability, and to feel safe with both parents.
You Can Be the Dad They Need
No dad gets everything right—and you don't need to. But every day you show up with intention and compassion, you rewrite your child's emotional blueprint.
If you're caught in a custody case and want to protect your relationship with your child without making things worse, reach out. At Genus Law Group, we help fathers across New Mexico navigate divorce and custody with strength, clarity, and compassion.
Call us today at 505-317-4455 or Contact Us through our website. You don't have to figure this out alone. Let's build something better for you and your kids.
